Thursday, August 27, 2009

Why is it so hard to see?

With Betullah dead, the powers that be are crazy. No one's happy. They just lost a very useful dog of a pawn. Worse still, they call the shots and never called this one.

The media's frenzied like a menstruating woman on Red Bull. It's natural, and in Pakistan, normal. But when Mr Nusrat Javed of Bolta Pakistan (AAJ TV) says this new MQM-Jinnahpur fiasco is to crucify Nawaz Sharif, I must say I've seen everything.

Betullah's dead. His pasmaandgaan and sogwaaran are busy killing each other, fighting for money and power like hungry bitches. (Yes I'm fasting, but there's simply no other, better way to say this.) Give me a break! Who's happy? No friggin one. Awaam are too busy killing each other standing in endless ques to get sugar and flour. The rest are a bunch of ass-wipes too busy hoarding sugar and flour and cashing in on the scarcity crisis they engineered. Nobody gives a damn! A state holiday hungry nation as we are, and no body gives a friggin damn! Why don't we take a day off or name an airport after Betullah or something?

But who did this? I think that 2000 Rupay dehaardi wala, who threw chips in random places and always lazed the wrong targets for killer drones made in America finally got off his ass and decided to play god. He made my day and America had its Nightmare on Elm Street. All investment gone! Finish! Zap! Just like that! Vanished into thin air! All the training and money and weapons and propaganda and support went to the dogs, at least for the moment. But the 2000 Rupay dehaardi wala has been lazing targets and throwing chips for several years now, what took him so long to laze Betullah's butt?

The answer lies somewhere deep within the sheets of the conjugal bed Pakistan shares with the US. Ever since the drone attacks started, the Yanks were calling the shots until only recently. According to the grapevine, local authorities now locate the targets and Yanks just blow the lazed spot to oblivion, hence the Betullah killing. Had it been the US paid 2000 Rupay dehaardi wala throwing the chip, it would have been yet another funeral, or madrassah or women getting together to celebrate a newborn.

What a time for the proverbial 'Baasi Kardhi Main Ubaal Aana'. The Muttahidda mutt never misses to sieze the moment. Nixon would have been proud of the son of a gun. He yaps at just the right time. Always. Immaculate timing. 17 years and several governments later, the mutt sheds tears remembering long lost pals. And a nation of liars, cheats and 10-percenters suddenly wakes up to sing songs of truth and the skeletons in our closet start dancing. Mr Hameed Gul of the Varan fame spices up the scene a bit with his two cents worth of self righteous whistle blowing and other ex-chiefs and military intelligence somebodies join in. Zameer ka bojh bhi to halka karna hay na! Suddenly there was no Jinnahpur and allegations of MQM-genocide in the 90s. What is this shit? Can't we just celebrate B Mehsud's departure from this world. Somebody throw Muttahidda Mutt a bone. Or a boner.

Wake up people. This is not to crucify Nawaz or to divert your attention from Mushi bhai. This is to crucify army and military intelligence. Not that our intelligence merits accolades, but that's what intelligence agencies do around the world. We have one of our own. Thank God. Ass-wipe Asif talks about 'karaye ki intelligence'. Scotland Yard ko bula lo, UN ko bula lo. Tumhaare maamay lagtay hain kiya? Imagine what a nightmare would that be. Wake up! Or else 'Na rahay ga baans...'